21.03.07 -
Hey huns,
Last week the "queue" to BoomBox was something like 100 meters long. I was a bit nervous to face the truth yesterday but I guess heavens above were ruling. Winter has returned to London and it was raining nasty, sharp and icy drops of ice-cold water. So when I arrived, there were no people loitering around the front door of BoomBox. However, the most desperate clubbers were inside already, the earliest ones had reserved their seats one hour before the opening! Wonder how they got in ... :-/
'Lady Lavinia has a habit of talking on her own when she's dancing. Bless
those New Yorkers... :-$'
Nag Nag Nag's DJ Jo Jo de Freq was guesting bringing the technoey sounds to the walls of Boom. There were at least 20 Portuguese girls and boys jumping all over the floor. I was more than happy chasing them, admiring their looks and touching their bums, acting like a sugar-daddy, yay! Love was in the air, indeed...
'Door whore Jeanette had decided to wear his Chess game to cover the wintery
rain. Ouch.'
My friend Silvia was celebrating her newly appointed job at Vogue -magazine. She drank like a fish and towards the end of the night she came ever closer to me and wanted to grab my 'jewels'. And what did I do? Asked her to buy me more drinks, ha!
Boy George's make up artist friend Christine was out too. I can't stop wondering where does she get her energy to swan around until early hours and still manage to rush to her current film shootings somewhere in outskirts of East London. She's doing make up for apparently big Hollywood buster but I haven't managed to catch to my ears who's actually appearing in that film. She laughs a lot, I guess that's the only thing which stays on my mind...
'I don't understand what was going on with these ladies. Am still drunk and
seeing doubles?'
Apart from BoomBox, I had the oddest day on Thursday. I was canoodling daytime in West End. It was a sunny day and I bumped into Naomi Campbell, Heather Mills McCartney and Amy Winehouse, all within half an hour. I started puzzling whether it has always been like this in Central London; A-list celebs jumping everywhere. But the fact is that all these three ladies are not shying away cameras or controversial gossip. Bless Naomi, I guess cleaning the floors must be hard for her now.
Ciao, until next time,
Mkoxx
25.02.07 -
Hey huns,
After a quiet weekend at home I was fresh and relaxed to see the manic
Sunday what BoomBox creates. Some hat company CA4LA were guest dj's and they
had offered free drinks for everyone for half an hour. Well, I happened to
be in toilets doing my war make up so couldn't catch that treatment!
There were lots of Swedes out and about, someone's birthday that was. I bumped into one Swedish Eurovision freak and we were endlessly analysing this year's national finals. Hanna Pakarinen didn't receive our blessings, but Mans and Sebastian from Swedish finals did! Strange thing, all of them happen to be some sort of Pop Idol finalists. What's going on with Eurovision? But anyway, I can't wait when the contest arrives to Helsinki in May. That circus is never gonna happen again over there...as long as they choose the wrong songs to represent us! However, we might get some sympathy votes this year.
"A BoomBox regular sporting a Laku Pekka look"
What was incredible was that there is no queue to BoomBox anymore. It is rather a crowded bunch of maniacs on the door! Everybody's trying to do their best to get in, either using sweet talking or doing crazy looks. Door whore Jeanette definitely has a lorra lorra friends on Sunday nights...Even someone, (who I quite fancy actually), keeps sending me messages on myspace to make sure he'll get in. Desperate?
"Party animal Gwen tried to get a cab but she rang somewhere in China
instead..."
Party baby Kelly Osbourne was again there with her friends. She seems to become a regular now. Also Wolfgang Tillmans popped in, this time without his gorgeous boyfriend. I spent most of the night on the dancefloor prancing the blues away. But excited, our crew is gonna fly to Milan Fashion Week later this week. Can't wait to see all the Italian hunks and honeybees, I've started re-collecting some Italian words already. Buongiorno is a good start... ;-0 And yes, have to remember 'Kazzo merta', which means something in Finnish too...
Arrivederci, until later...
Hugz, mkoxx
"Kelly wanted to add something to her head, too. What is going on?"
13.02.07 -
08.02.07 -
”BERLIN”
by Pena International
A quick ABC to all you lazy cunts who don’t care that much about traditional guides.
TO DO:
- You MUST go out in the East. For example Berghain (Panorama Bar) is nightlife at its best: creme de la crème club-people mingling without sense, shame OR direction! Love it, definitely one of the best clubs in whole wide Europe!
- Go shopping! And I mean for real! Department store KaDeWe is good for you lazy ones: in one big house you have floors and floors of gorgeous luxury boulevards with Chanel, Dior, Cucci and Louis Vuitton. Smaller street-brands are located in the Mitte. You grazy kids should go there.
- Have some kebab! Berlin is famous of its lovely Döners!!
NOT TO DO:
- Do not go out in the mainstream gay-clubs and bars in the West, UNLESS you wanna have a laugh with the oldest and ugliest men in Berlin. PS. It seems leather is very much IN in Berlin indeed!
- Do NOT get disturbed if people are looking and pointing (and laughing) at you. Germans are not the leaders in fashion n’ style. Skinny jeans will probably be there THE latest shit around spring 2009…
NOT SURE:
- Don’t be shocked if you get extra company while havin’ a waz. Berliners are into extreme watersports apparently (well at least boy like me got a special treatment in a sleazy nightclub toilet while “relieving myself”…)
Photos by Pietari / NATORAVE
25.01.07 -
Hi babes,
New York's electro guru Larry Tee was guest dj'ing at my Sunday weekly hotspot night BoomBox. The first hour was just dead, but that was before Mr Tee arrived. I was thinking that yes, he might be passe when it comes to current music trends, but for me he is still a big name. I just love dirty, filthy and sleazey (also camp) electro music. I don't need guitars, I just need a screaming voice hollering somewhere over syntheziters. Think about Visage's 'Fade To Grey' or Avenue D's 'Do I Look Like A Slut?' and you get a picture.
We had another guest too; a hostess with an attitude. That was friend of the stars, Mme Jodie Harsh. I ran to say hi to her but she was so busy with Kelly Osbourne that she just smirked at me. Today she's been sending emails on her myspace bulletin telling that 'I am on TV...tonight'. Yee-hay! We just can't wait to see it!
''I'm on TV Tonight" Jodie Harsh with "What Have I Done to Deserve This"
Kelly Osbourne
photo by dirtydirtydancing.com
Then I bumped into Turner prize winning artist Wolfgang Tillmans and his boyfriend. He always seems to be 'doing fine'. I guess the high profile artists tend to keep things to themselves, they need to be a kind of mysterious. I start to yawn but still I feel super delighted everytime I see him. I just can't say no to bearded men and women :-/
When Larry Tee arrived the place got humped and pumped. I think he brought a whole entourage of New Yorkers to that tiny venue that BoomBox is. On the dance stage I swang into Miska, a Finnish guy and local Shoreditcher. He was telling me about relationship dramas which were happening at his workplace. And now they were all dancing out together, next to us. Maybe some sort of air cleaning process going on. Sounded like a lezzie place that where he was working ;-). I just rolled my eyes and said that if they need an agony aunt, they have just found one.
Rest of the night our lovely DJ Jerry Bouthier kept clubbers on the dancefloor. One question that's been puzzling me recent months: What is this 90s Neu-Rave thing? I wish we could just swipe it off. I don't find much excitement on that era, the only name that still has some soft spot for me is Deee-Lite. I guess it might be the nostalgia for ecstasy, and that's why it doesn't move me. Or another reason might be that I'm a wrecked fossil with nothing else on my mind than making a bitchy comment, ha!
Ta-dah babes, take care about yourselves!
Waving the Finn-flag
Mkoxx
"Larry Tee found some time for looking this good while spinning those
records."
photo by dirtydirtydancing.com
Antisocial DJ Buster Bennett visited our little club on friday 12.1.2007 and it was so much fun!
Here are his
personal top-3 tunes at the moment:
1. Cantankerous "Diskusting" Vs Fedde Le Grand "Put your hands up for
Detroit"
Buster Bennett Bootleg Mix
Unreleased
This bootleg fills the dancefloor everytime. It's a mix of one of the best overground tunes vs one of the best underground tunes. Cantankerous is London's fiercest band ever!
2. London's Getting Dirty
By Warboy
Unreleased
Warboy has been bashing out the Neu Rave anthems all year and this is the cherry on top.
3. It's a rave Dave (JE2 Grade 8 Remix)
By Trash Fashion
Label = Glare n Dazzle
Move over Klaxons! This band is original and doesn't need to rip off old rave to pull off the neu rave!
31.08.06 - "Thank U 4 the music"
Uh, oh hi there, you lovely balloons!
Yeah it's me again (and no nasty remarks here, please) doing what I do best: sitting and smokin spliff... Nooo, I was just a fooling around; of course I'm back writing this column, this great piece of literature art! And where I've been? - you may ask. Well, I'm a man of many talents, and recently I've been "hangin' in the studio" and "layin' down some demos"... as we professionals like to play with words.
Yeah, and I mean music, and I mean words. It looks like I'm gonna be popstar too!! Jealous, anyone.... Don't be. It's just cos I got more talent, it ain't got nothing to do with the looks. I ain't another fuckin' Paris Hilton, you know. There's actually some deepness in my art... I'm tryin to EXPRESS myself, my feelings... reveal my heart... as a vulnerable human being...
Ok enough mumbo jumbo, here's a little lyric I wrote down recently... It's a little tune called " Half the town", and I'm quite a proud of it. So what's the sound? Well just think about those bleebin' electro beats and some serious vocoder on vocals!!!
I've got half the town
in my ass
and the rest of it in my mouth
and when I walk down the street
boys just scream and shout
Half the town
in my ass
and the rest waiting me to get down
They say I look innocent but I sure have been around
Half the town
in my ass
and the rest
in the palm of my hand
I've done this city through and through
And I've done it with my own two hands!
Ps. And to anyone who wonders what happened to Oona the dog... Well, she'd been headhunted by New York Post... What a NO GOOD Bitch she was!!
What a joy is it when you can sing like a bird... just like a bird.
23.08.06 - ANNOUNCEMENT FROM FAGSONFIRE.NET
We have decided to part company with our contributor columnist Pena International. This is due to our growing concerns over Mr International's jetset-lifestyle and his lack of new material.
We are anyway very happy to announce today the signing of A new talented
columnist of Fagsonfire.net: Oona the Dog.
Oona is fresh and ambitious new talent with a modern outlook to the world of
entertaiment. She has graduated from the London University of Literature,
and has been writing articles and columns to
such magazines as "The Face", "Dog-Style" and "World of Drinking".
Oona The Dog: "I'm excited and very eager to get started. Let the games begin. It's great to have Fagsonfire.net as my new creative family." Oona the Dog's new column will be called: "Bitch talk".
Oona took charge at the office immediately.
Doing some research under the bed.
31.07.06 - "They call me a pig in the wig, but I don't care...
I don't care if they live or die, I just do my robot-dance"
That's for all of you non-believers!
And now my "special" - slower, but still as nice - friends, this one's for you.
This section is called " FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ". It's made for you to answer your "FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS". You see, this "computer-stuff" doesn't have to be that complicated. It's for you and me - and the birds and the bees - to enjoy!
So let's start.
Number 1 Question:
You always seem to have that healthy glow around you - do you have some exercise-routine, or how do you manage to keep that fantastic figure of yours?
Well, my oh my, thanks, you lot sure know how to kiss that ass! Anyway, yeah, I do actually have a little routine of my own: it's the exercise I invented myself, called "Roll-ups". Here's the basics: you roll in your bed from side to side, and... well, that's it, actually. But it does work. I'm the livin' proof. And at the very moment we are actually on works to make it available as a home-video and DVD. Working title is: Pena International: "The Internationa work-out AKA I work my ass off so you can grab it"!
Number 2 Question:
I admire your style. Where do you buy those gorgeous jumpsuits and kaftans?
People like me don't buy their clothes anywhere, hunh. My personal stylists: Bona-Lisa and Ville work hard to find those luxurious pieces of clothing. Their lives are endless run from rack to rack, to fullfill my high demands... and you see the result looking good on me! And also; a lot of stuff comes directly from designers, it's almost annoying: if you read this Diane Von Furstenburg, Freddericks and Halston: get of my goddamn back - I mean it!! With love, of course..
Number 3 question:
Somebody said to me that you are little bit different. He said that you are an homo-sexual. Is that true, Pena?
O-no-no-o, that's false, totally false. You can ask me ole' momma, or my wife and two kids at Vihti. They are there waiting when big pappa is comin' home. And I gotta be honest with you folks: I'd rather be there with my country-pumpkins, than here in the big city whirl. But like everyone else I gotta make a livin', got bills to pay and kids to feed.
And here's something for you, all you animal-lovers:
12.07.06 - You are so lucky to be anonymous... so lucky.
I hardly spend my highly valuable time fingering trough some old fash-slag-mags searchin' my pictures or noseying around the internet looking for what trash they are writing 'bout me... But once, just once I did spell my name on the net, and look what I found - over one billion sites linked to my name, yes folks, that's right, over one BILLION... That's a lot more than average one hundred sites of yours... don't be jealous, I guess it's only just because I'm more beautiful or something.
Anyway...That amount of gossips makes one curious... I do have a interesting life, yet what can be SO interesting. Quick check-out and I got just one thing to say: cameraphone's I curse you! Now there ain't no single fuckin' moment without click clicks or flash flashes as some retarded wannabe-paparazzi is tryin to make quick buck from Seiska-magazine! Anyway, here's some examples of how it is being used and abused as a celebutante:
Me tryin to hide behind my enormous yet sophisticated Christian Dior Overshine 442 sunglasses.
Me sharing tender moment with my special lady-friend. Could we have some privacy, please.
Me at work.
Me with enormous boa... and I mean the snake... What on earth, where are all this pictures comin' from?
17.05.06 - Headaches, heartaches & few pains in the ass
Oh god, oh god, oh god...."why is HE so upset?", I hear you mumbling, "Shouldn't that kind of person be happy 24/7 for all of his god-given-talents?"... Well, all I can say that there's just no easy answer...no easy answer...you just couldn't possible understand - my life is a BIT more demanding than the life of any average little person rolling around with no direction, style or fanbase... So sometimes the pressure is just BIT too much for even me! I do feel Britney and Mariah, you know, I really do!!
But I can handle it. "Go girlfriend!" I say to myself and keep on writing this goddamn column - and yes I do actually write it! There's been this vicious and outrageous lie goin' round that I use a "ghostwriter", as we professionals like to say... meaning that I don't write this shit myself - well, it's a big fat LIE!! And my army of lawyers will be takin' care of the situation... anyway, here's a candid shot of me doing my journalistic-work as a hardworking writer and journalist! This picture tells more than one billion lies; see what I'm doing... with my own little computer and my little pen!!!!
Anyway: now few words about my exciting trip to the beautiful city of London! The place is just PACKED with pretty things... But no tourist-sightseeing for me or my "staff" (as we professionals like to say). It was strictly business. Endless negotiations from corporation to another! Me and my representatives were doing some serious international-entertainment-hush hush to you-business with some of the hottest talents on the earth. And I don't use these words lightly!
Because it's so hush hush, I just possible couldn't make a breach of a contract and say one fuckin? word about anything (and to be honest; it was so hush hush, that I don't even seem to remember that much myself...), but here's anyway some lovely photos you to admire!!
Me having big ole' laugh with my dear, dear, DEAR friend - AND considerable artist on her own: CrazyGirl (you might remember her smash-hit "Cocaine Talk"...nice tune, allthou? I have NO clue what kind of talk is that!!).
Me relaxing and enjoying the little luxuries of life between the endless hours of big-time-business-negotiations.
Me and my VERY special friend: Mikko - Here as a hostess of the legendary NAG NAG NAG -club. Mikko - you're doin? just fine...just fine!
And as a RESULT of these cruelling day-after-day-12-hours-in-a-row big-business negotiations I did manage to whip some talent to this godforsaken, sad excuse of country... See here our summer schedule!!
29.04.06 - What am I to you; an answering machine?!
Well, wow, my oh my... things are really starting to cook up here in my virtual-budoar! Or should I say "hell's kitchen"... I'm all covered up of your Q's, and my mailbox is just stuffed.... to cut the long story short: two lost souls with their modest questions have contacted me... I'm extremely busy professional entertainer and a business-person, but never too busy to reach out and touch, for all you lost, miserable, sad, sad, sad little people with your funny little letters.
So here we go:
First. Dear Mikkko.
Reading your brief yet strong letter of emotional and maybe physical confusion and embarrasment, I DID had that certain feeling of knowledge - I just might know what is your problem, thou you don't have those words to express it - or yourself (or should I say "anything"?) too clearly.
My diagnose is: you are a wanker without that first, "big cock inside" -experience - and like my mama always told me: " It hurts just once"...well, of course she lied, like always... but you keep doin? "it" anyway, and believe me, lil' pain can be that sweet cherry top sometimes! So DO contact me - and we'll see what we can do about your problem!!
Okay and now for that other twat.
Dan.
You are not gay. What good are you for any gay-activity, with your brief excitement to "nipple our buttons"?...well Mr, it takes more to make that fat lady sing! it ain't doin? nothing for me personally, thou? you may find it "exciting". Well, we?re just not amused. And what's even worse: you're wastin? my - and the rest of the mankind's precious time: so keep on doin? what you do with your own "phone" and quite frankly, fuck off!
Coming soon: P.International does London. Total London report from your favourite columnist with classy, glossy, glitzy and 100% revealing - yet sophisticated colour-picture-special!!
26.03.06 - "Memoirs of a homo-Geisha"
Pride ain't nothing but a word!
Usually I wake up somewhere around 12... Or maybe few hours later... sometimes I just don't give a rats ass to wake up at all... My Granny comes from upstairs to put on my make-up... I hate it, it's just too much hassle, allthou' I'm still sleepin... The ol' woman doesn't mind... She lights up few ciggies, pours some coffee or brandy, and just slips it all down my throat, she's quite a handy that way, you see! Now I open my eyes, or actually I open them after the ol' lady's gone - she's not too pleasant sight - just bunch of old bones wrapped up in alligators skin. Anyway, now I'm all dolled up and ready to go... Where, you may ask? And I have no idea, So usually I just take few drinks and go back to bed, what's the point in runnin around lookin' like this anyway...
But being homogeisha is NOT about just lyin in bed and being pampered and served.. Oh, no!! It's hard work, years of training, sweat and tears, it's the art of being beautiful inside out! No I was just kidding, it's nothing more than being a lazy ho, with retarded granny, and no-morals to do more than wake-up (in good days) and smoke, shag, and do some half-arsed drag... Well, somewhere around 5 it's really time to get to work! Granny makes the second round (retouch and repair my face) and then this girl is goin strong, hell on wheels, you may say, or at least mean slob on high heels tryin to make make few extra euros for no effort at all!
Before I finally leave my bed for good, I do few roll-up's to keep me in shape (it's the exercise I invented myself, you roll in your bed from side to side, and... well, that's it, actually)... I hardly ever eat any breakfast, (and it's allready 5:45 pm anyway), so now I just sashay to outside-world, to fill all the demands of pro homo-geisha!! And when I say pro, I DO mean professional!! So, now you're waitin me to dish all the dirt and secrets of this job: the mystical life of being geisha - no way, jos?!!! You wankers disgust me, and I ain't gonna give you the pleasure, or at least you have to make an appointment and pay for that fun, in the end, I AM pro!!
So after long night of high-class-total-pro-entertaining, I come home, go straight to bed, and I mean that literally, I don't undress myself, because that wouldn't be fun, wouldn't it? That's why the old lady is livin upstairs! She comes in quietly, undresses me (I'm already in deep sleep now, snoring away the daily troubles of this oh-so stressfull lifestyle), washes my face, puts some lotion all over, does some massage and leaves as quitly as she came. Oh did I forget to mention I'm not alone in my bed? There's my special friend there with me called Igor, waiting me eagerly... Of course he's eager, I picked him from station, took him to H&M, Naps & gym and told him NEVER ever put his pretty head into dtm, because it may be dangerous to 18-years old, eastern stud, with face of an angel and body of young god - and no passport or id - and he better behave, unless he doesn't want go back serving the 4000 days what's left of his army-career! So there we go, together, enjoing the luxury of good deep sleep of hard working citizens.
Is that it!? I heard you lot ask! You may even scream "WTF"! Well, what do YOU do in your average day? Wake up pissed off, go to work pissed off, come back home pissed off and tired, and fall asleep while watchin' tv. Call that living? I call you a cunt.
22.02.06 - "I love myself, is that a sin!?"
Well hello you lazy cunts...
Because you didn't ask anything - there will be absolutely NO answers to you! Feeling proud now, ha? You think you're smart enough already? Well, Mr, you're totally wrong - you don't know what and who your daddy did last night, but I just might... So go on, share your miserable little problems with me, and I promise, I may not solve them, but at least I'm having a good ole' laugh...
Meantime you can "entertain" yourself (I know you do, you wankers disgust me) with some of my favourite glossy and glamorous pics of myself...Some pictures contain also other folks, but ignore them, they're nothing special.
Don't hate me, just because I'm beautiful,
Pena International
